The Choice of Motherhood
by BonJeanne
Summary: Elizabeth and Henry find themselves having to make a choice about becoming parents. Please, please, please, read the AN before you read the story!


**Important A/N:** While I do feel that my political views did show through a little bit, this is a piece of fanfiction and is not intended to be taken as a statement on either side. The creators of Madam Secretary have often mentioned that they strive to remove party names from the show, and as fans, I ask that we respect that. Any reviews that are clearly political will be deleted as they are not in the spirit of Madam Secretary. The show was meant to unite and entertain people, not to start debates.

That said, please don't be shy about reviewing! I love hearing what you guys think.

* * *

Things had settled into a delicate balance since Henry had returned home six months ago. In the beginning, it felt like the were strangers in the same house. Both of them had changed quite a bit, and the newly-wed bliss before his deployment had faded. Progress had been slow, but they were beginning to reconnect and establish a new normal. Their conversations were coming more naturally again, and they were even flirty at times. Their sex life had been on the up and up as well. During his deployment, sex had been primal and desperate, each time as if it might be their last. Now they had time to enjoy each other unhurriedly and lovingly.

Look where that had gotten them.

At first, Elizabeth thought it was bad PMS mixing with stress. And then she was nearly two weeks late without a trace. Each day that passed, her suspicion and apprehension grew.

A baby would change everything. She didn't want to rock the boat now that it felt like it was no longer sinking. The only problem was, Elizabeth couldn't do it alone (end the pregnancy or go through with it). She really needed her husband right now.

They needed to decide together whether or not they were ready to start a family.

Taking a steadying breath, she approach her husband, who was hunched over something on his desk. "Henry?"

"Yeah?"

She sucked in a nervous breath. "Can I tell you something?"

"Of course." He took off his glasses and motioned for her to sit on his lap. She took the invitation and curled into his embrace. The gentle strokes of his hand down her spine were reassuring, steadying her anxious state of mind.

"What is it, babe?" Henry prompted in a soothing voice.

"I think I might be pregnant." She held her breath as she waited for a response. His hand froze on her back, and she felt him tense beneath her for a fraction of a second.

"You think?"

"Yeah. I mean, I missed my period, so..."

"How long?"

"12 days," Elizabeth answered. She saw a look of hurt flash across his face and she felt guilty about waiting so long to tell him.

"We should get a pregnancy test," he said. "They have them at the grocery store, I think. We can get something for dinner while we're there."

* * *

An hour later, the found themselves lost in front of a wall of pregnancy tests.

"Which one should we get?" Henry asked.

"I have no clue."

"How's about this one? It says 'results in five minutes.'"

"Yeah, but this one is 99% reliable."

"Can I help y'all find something?" They whipped around, eyes wide open. There was a store employee with kind eyes that had a sympathetic smile on her face as she saw what they were looking at.

"Go for the five minute one," she said. "If it's positive, you're going to have to go to your doctor anyway. If it's negative but you're still showing symptoms, you can always come back and get the another one."

"Thanks," Elizabeth said and grabbed it off the shelf.

"Godspeed," the employee replied.

* * *

In the first minute, Henry had kept checking his watch, dismayed at how slowly the seconds were ticking.

In the second minute, he went down to the kitchen and grabbed the timer from the counter. He set it to four minutes, and the ticking filled the small bathroom.

In the third minute, Elizabeth tried to focus on taking deep breaths, repeating a mantra of "in through the nose, out through the mouth," but it did little calm her nerves.

In the fourth minute, they nestled against each other, both attempting to seek and provide comfort but could only manage to cling to each other and be scare together.

In the fifth minute, the timer went off shrilly, startling both of them. With trembling hands, Henry turned over the test.

"It's positive," Elizabeth said and slumped back down to the floor.

Henry sat down beside her and put his arm around her. "Are you upset?"

"I'm just really overwhelmed."

"Me too," he admitted. They sat together silently, not quite sure how to feel or what to think. Neither spoke for a while.

"We don't have to figure it all out now, right?" Elizabeth asked timidly. Her voice was small, but it sounded loud in contrast to the uneasy silence that had settled over them.

"Right."

* * *

There were significant downsides to being driven by an ex-fighter pilot. Each time Henry swerved, Elizabeth could taste the bile lurch up at the back of her throat. They finally made it to the clinic where he parked. Still incredibly nauseous even after the car had stopped moving, she swallowed and rested her hand on her stomach.

"Babe? Are you okay? You're looking a little green." He paused then asked, "Do you think it's morning sickness?"

"I think it's just nerves," she said.

Once Elizabeth was sure that her stomach had settled, they headed into the clinic. She had been in this office several times now for her annual check up, but everything seemed new now that she was here for a completely different reason. After filling out what felt like mountains of paperwork, she followed a nurse into an exam room. Henry sat in one of the chairs and watched as she had her weight, blood pressure, and temperature taken. The nurse asked a series of questions and then drew her blood, promising to return with definitive results.

Henry got up from his chair and began pacing, the sound of his footsteps an inpatient tempo in the small exam room. Elizabeth, on the other hand, sat perfectly still. She would have chided his restlessness if she hadn't felt like opening her mouth would result in losing the battle against her nausea. Deep down, she was beginning to think that he might have been right about the morning sickness.

A sharp knock on the door interrupted his pacing, and the doctor entered. "I have the test results." The couple interlaced their fingers. "You're definitely pregnant, Mrs. McCord."

"Oh." Her voice was meek and flat, but her grip on Henry's fingers was fierce.

The nurse seemed to sense their trepidation. "We want you to know that you always have options, and it's completely up to you. Whatever you choose, we will be there to support you. Judging by the time of your last period, you're probably about 6 weeks along. We'll see you in two weeks for an ultrasound and go from there, okay?"

* * *

Elizabeth sat in the tub long after the water had gone cool. The water's refraction distorted the size and shape of her abdomen, making it look much larger. She rested her hand just below her belly button. It was hard to believe that there was something growing there. She didn't really feel pregnant, necessarily. Was that normal? Was being unsure normal? Was being terrified normal? She wished her mother were there. Her mother would have known.

Elizabeth hugged her knees to her chest. One of her first memories was of her parents telling her that she was going to get a sibling. It was hazy, though. She couldn't remember how far along her mother was. She barely remembered the day they brought Will home from the hospital.

"Hey." Henry's voice interrupted her thoughts. "You've been in there for a while."

"I was just thinking," she said as she reached for the tub stopper and watched the water as it began to spiral down the drain. He handed her a towel, but not before he glanced up and down her glistening body. Elizabeth self-consciously turned her back to him as she dried off. Could he already see a change? Would he still look at her like that when her waistline gave way to a swollen belly? What about her postpartum body, even if it were never as svelte as she was now?

"Babe?" Henry sat down on the edge of the tub and tugged on the towel she had wrapped around herself. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah?" She sat down next to him.

"What do you want?"

Elizabeth closed her eyes. What did she want? "I'm not sure. I know I want kids, but this is significantly sooner than I had imagined. I feel miserably underprepared. I don't know anything about being a mother," She reopened her eyes. "What about you?"

"This is certainly... unexpected. It's a lot to take in. I'm still trying to figure out how to be a husband again, so I don't know if I'm ready to be a father yet. On the other hand, we have nine months to figure things out. I'm back for good now, and you're almost done with school. I guess now's as good a time as any to start a family, don't you think?"

Elizabeth nodded slowly, thinking over his words. "You have a point. It may not feel like it yet since you just got home, but we're settling down. This is a beautiful place to start a family, even if it is a few years ahead of schedule. That also gives us more time to figure out of if we want more kids in the future."

"Slow down, babe. One child at a time," he said, but with distinct note of hopefulness as a smile spread across his lips. "So we're really doing this?'

"We're really doing this."

* * *

Two weeks later, they were back at the doctor's office.

"I have it in my notes that you were unsure about what you wanted to do, is that correct?" The nurse asked.

"Yes, but we've made a choice," Elizabeth said. Henry squeezed her hand in reassurance. "I want to continue the pregnancy."

"In that case, we'll get you ready for an ultrasound." The nurse let she change into a hospital gown and returned with the doctor. With the lights dimmed, a grainy image was projected on the wall.

"See that?" The nurse asked a pointed to a small flickering part of the image.

Elizabeth gasped. "Is that…?"

"The baby's heartbeat," the doctor confirmed. And suddenly all of her reservations about motherhood faded away. She felt Henry's lips press against her shoulder. "You're about 8 weeks along. That will put your due date around… May 1st. Congratulations!"

After scheduling the next appointment, they left with a copy of the ultrasound photos. Elizabeth couldn't stop staring at them, already in love with the tiny human that was growing inside of her. She was so entranced by the photos that she didn't even notice that Henry wasn't driving home. Instead, he pulled into the park near their house where they took long walks when the weather was nice.

"Henry? Why are we here?" She glanced over to him, confused and concerned. "Are you okay? You've been awfully quiet." A strange expression came across his face, one that she had only witness before on their wedding day as she walked down th aisle.

"I'm just so happy," Henry blubbered, trying to get out what he was saying before the tears came. "I know this is scary, downright terrifying, but I'm also so excited. Seeing the heartbeat, I just… I knew we made the right choice. You're going to be a fantastic mother, Elizabeth. I just know it. I couldn't have asked for a better person to go on this journey with."

"And you'll make a fantastic father." She gave him a quick kiss on his cheek. "What do you say we go home and do some celebrating?"

"That sounds perfect."

* * *

Less important A/N: Sorry that there are a ton of line breaks. This was originally supposed to be short enough to post on tumblr, lol. Also the ending is rough because it's late and I just wanted to get it posted. Anyway, don't forget to review!

Also, this was based on 3 lilacmermaid prompts- "Can I ask you something," "Can I tell you something," and "Henry is struggling after returning from his final deployment, and Elizabeth is afraid of what will happen when she rocks the boat and tells him they're having a baby."


End file.
